In my Japanese podcast show “Live Your Dream”, I had an opportunity to conduct an interview with Sachiko Kasai, an Assertive and Anger Management Coach. In this article I will summarize anger management tips I have learned from her.
Managing Your Anger
Offensive tailgating, cruel news… Many of the social issues is rooted in the feeling of anger. Anger Management is a method to have a good relationship with your feeling of anger.
It is often misunderstood that good anger management is you treat anger as if not existed, and that’s not a good way to manage your anger.
Anger is not always evil. Actually it’s an essential feeling to conduct our life safe. Thanks to the feeling of anger, you can protect you and your family and take correct actions.
Anger Management is about reviewing your anger patterns. Once you know the patterns it will help improve personal development and better relationship with your family and friends. Anger Management is about determining whether your anger is worth it and necessary.
With good Anger Management you will be able to determine when needs to be upset and when not. This way you can stop wasting your energy and time.
Holding Anger vs Controlling Anger
Sachiko explained how supressing anger is different from managing anger using the example of burning red charcoals.
Holding Anger
When you hold your anger in your heart, the charcoal is still steamy red and it will burn your heart. You will suffer. Even you hold the heat inside you, eventually you will explode. This will hurt the people around you.
Controlling Anger
Controlling anger is like you spray splashes of water before you take the hot charcoal into your heart. This way inflammation will be gone and the fact that the charcoal was burned remains. This way you will not suffer or experience pain from the heat. You will not hurt people around you.
Thus holding anger and controlling anger are two different things.
Your Anger Patterns and Real Emotions Behind
Normally we all have anger pattern. It’s the key to know your own anger points and patterns. Some people’s anger trigger could be discussion on money, other’s could be when child is not obedient or when his boss was mean to you.
Once you know the trigger of anger, you will know your action patterns. You can ask yourself what is the real emotions behind the anger, what type of thoughts or philosophy are behind the anger.
The real emotion behind anger could be loneliness, sadness, or anxiety. Unconsciously you don’t want to notice that true emotion, you don’t want others to know that emotion, that’s why you get angry.
By knowing this emotion you will be able to make a countermeasure. If loneliness is behind anger, you can find the way not to feel loneliness. Face to yourself, see your deep self, that’s how you can make adjustments to your behavior. By repeating this you will learn anger management.
Healing Anger Using Anger Management
Once you understand anger management, you will be able to see the reasons of others angers. Why is your boss angry? Why is your father angry? Even with their anger, you will start to see the real emotions such as anxiety, shame, and loneliness.
Healing the real emotions behind anger is the best way to heal anger. It is way better than just apologizing. Thus anger management can heal your anger as well as the anger of people around you.
Sushi Chef Who Successfully Improved His Restaurant Business Using Anger Management
Sachiko shared with me about her client who is a sushi shef and an owner of a sushi restaurant in San Diego who used anger management to run his business better.
The sushi chef was a man around 40 years old, and he was such an angry boy. He was working on his business so hard. He was so passionate on his business that he at times yelled at his employees, threw dishes and kicked the tables.
He came to consult with Sachiko when he realized his needs to do something with his anger to run his business better.
He repeated his session with Sachiko. They together predicted what kind of incident will trigger his anger and they made countermeasure to avoid explosion occered.
Now he mastered anger management and he faces with his emotions very well. Thanks to his anger management, the employees turn over rate dropped, profit went up, and he was able to open his second restaurant. He realized managing his anger will dramatically change his life. Now he enjoys his work and life happily.
Useful Tips for Anger Management
Lastly here are some of the actionable anger management tips Sachiko shares with her audience on Facebook.
- When you feel anger, you will look up and count 6 before you hit anger against others.
- Determine if the incident is important enough and worth your time and energy to be angry.
- Determine if the incident is something you can control. If not, then it might not be worth spending time and energy. Let it go.
- Understand what’s the true feelings behind your anger